You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
