Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love you. Go after that dick
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
