there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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