I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
