I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
