im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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