I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think your dad took our porno
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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