I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
