i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
