i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
