Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
