I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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