so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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