He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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