I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
