I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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