I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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