were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
