Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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