I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
