I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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