checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
