He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
