I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
