I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
