I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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