the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
