i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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