my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm having to shit out rocks
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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