i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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