clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
