What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize