So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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