We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
