dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
