that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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