All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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