That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
