I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
