turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
