tonight lets celebrate not being married
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
