from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
