Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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