We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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