You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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