Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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