so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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