Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
