Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
