What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
